Dole #4011 MVPB
For Your Mind
For Your Body
For Your Soul
A Note to Our Reader: Sponsored content warning. The views expressed in this post may have been influenced by corporate payouts and tax breaks. Now the review!
Dole Co. Ltd. have outdone themselves this time. All new for 2020, Dole has released the latest in their expansive line of performance enhancing food stuffs. Enter the Most Very Premium Banana #4011 (MVPB #4011). You’d be forgiven for dismissing the new model as just another garden-variety-yellow-fruit with it’s oh-so-subtle cosmetic changes, but take a closer look at that unassuming peel and you’ll quickly realize this is not your grandpa’s banana.
Hand-Feel:
The grippy, yet pleasantly slippery, peel has an exquisite hand-feel. In a blind feel test you can clearly distinguish the new premium peel technology Dole has developed vs that of the low-rent competition. The next time you’re in your favorite grocery, close your eyes and run your hands along the heaps of bananas and you’ll have no trouble discerning the superior quality of the model #4011.
Mouth-Feel:
Somehow at each stage along the ripeness curve; from too green, to acceptably green, to yellow, to good-enough-yellow, to actually-really-brown, to dead; the 2020 Dole maintains a beautiful mouth feel. Not too firm, not too slimy, somehow always just right. Science.
On The Trail:
So hand feel and mouth feel are spot on, but how about trail-feel? Thank you for asking, Reader!
Out on the trail the MVPB #4011’s true colours begin to shine. It squeezes effortlessly into your favorite pair of bib shorts, or can be lashed to your bespoke artisan bum bag of choice with little difficulty. I experienced some very extremely minor browning after nose-manuals and Danny H. sized tail-whips, but not enough to brown my high opinion of this long-yellow-wonder.
After the down and headed up for that sixth lap single-handed peeling is a cinch. I found myself happily masticating at my preferred 15bpm rate before my riding partners could begin squeezing their space gu into their disgusting faces. When I finished, it was just as easy to store the used peel right back into my bib shorts.
In the Freezer:
The MVPB #4011 gets super cold in the freezer. You’re going to want to wear gloves or risk frostbite handling the popsicle sticks. Ask me how I know… The good news is if you’re willing to risk your flesh they do blend well when frozen.
In Summary:
While taste may be marginal at best, that’s not why you’re paying a premium for the model #4011. It’s the raw performance while in your bib shorts, then in your hands, and then into your mouth that will drive you Bananas for this banana.
5-out-of-6 KH Cats. Would buy again.
Timely review! I have been vacillating between the Dole MVPB #4011 and the Chiquita No. 4011 Extra-Yellow for some time now. I was excited about the Chiquita offering due to its huge popularity in Europe, and its promise of of long-lasting taste with a flavor profile somewhere between a classic crème de banane and Laffy Taffy. However, the Dole MVPB #4011 clearly beats the No. 4011 Extra-Yellow on all performance metrics, and considering the necessity of performance in the realm of bib shorts these days, the choice is clear.